My Phone Physically Bounds Me

My phone physically binds me. That's a pretty dramatic start, I must say. But, it is the upmost truth. This single object controls my eyes, ears, arms, heart rate, blood flow, almost every part of my anatomy in fact.

August, 2023. The beginning of my 10th grade school year. My teacher instructed the classroom to pullout our phones, and guide ourselves to our daily screen times. Some shouted out their times. Others whispered and laughed with friends. I sat with my time. 14 hours a day. I didn't quite know how to process this. Although my friend did have a similar screen time, it made me feel no better. Without me being conscious, my phone consumed my eyes for more than 50 percent of the day. Slowly I then began to notice every single time I mindlessly scrolled on my phone. (Which was everyday.) Shortly after recognizing a pattern in my daily life. It was time for a change. When that mindless scrolling occurred, I would put my phone down. Sinking into the present and forcing myself to become caught in the moment. This worked to a certain extent. I held myself accountable maybe every one out of six times. My screen time had gone down to about 10-11 hours a day, (I started checking it religiously after that 1st time).

I spent a lot of time alone due to my parents working, a lot of this time was spent in my thoughts. Naturally, i became an extrovert. Whenever finding myself around people, there were many thoughts and ideas just itching to fly out my mouth. Ive always found joy in social interactions, getting to know different people. It was the best form of learning in my opinion. It rejuvenated me. Then, during the 2nd half of 2024 I was stuck to my phone once more. Dealing with a lot of social interactions more than ever. Due to my position and my ability to speak, I was slowly becoming a face. On a very small scale I became a character. Maximus and Max were no longer the same person. When people saw my face it was now Maximus, not max. Not saying during the day it was Maximus, and at night max came out, i'm not batman. There were now expectations of me that I had to uplift. Not only for others, but myself. My phone was a quick escape from everything, the expectations, the noise, the hate and love. I could pull it anywhere, anytime, and let go for a few seconds. Seconds turned minutes, Minutes turned hours. Suddenly finding myself in bed, immersed in my phone, without any reason to get up.

If I remember correctly, it was around midnight. January 19th, 2025. TikTok had just gotten banned in the United States. Everybody was going crazy, it was a national uproar. Teenagers around the country went crazy, crying, breaking things, anxiously pacing waiting for the next update. Now, whenever you tried to open TikTok despite it being banned you were met with a message; "A law banning TikTok has been enacted in the U.S. Unfortunately, that means you can't use TikTok for now." Despite knowing this message would pop up, id still open my phone and try to open the app. I did this multiple times, accidentally. It was muscle memory. Observing I would swipe open my phone and instantly tap to TikTok, at what looked like the speed of light. I had no control over my entire arm. This enraged, confused, and weirdly interested me. One thing was for sure. TikTok had to go. Deleted it on the spot. Along with every other app that consumed me. TikTok was unbanned an hour later but taken off the App Store. My decision was final and there was no way I could go back.

The time spent scrolling on my phone now had to be reallocated elsewhere. I dedicated more time to work. Learning my style of leadership. In the beginning, majority of that time had been spent reading. This felt new and intriguing as I never really liked reading. I first read, 7 habits of a highly effective person. This helped me further understand myself. Developing and practicing my style of leadership, Personal and interpersonal. During this time I also had began practicing Daoism/Taoism. A Chinese Philosophy or Religion; Taoism or Daoism simply stands for "The way." Due to this, Meditation became a big part of my routine. There were still moments when I would go on my phone for an escape, usually before bed. Only to remember there was nowhere to escape. So I would meditate. When meditating I often would focus on my breathing, or tune in on one specific sound. Centering my mind. It was only my soul. Everything that might've occurred that day no longer mattered. It was only memory. I was there, now I am here. This was my realization. Although I had this realization doesn't mean my actions changed. I realized this is what I believed. I now had to practice this. I started slow with small things. I began with not lettings things ruin my day or my immediate mood. For example someone says a slick remark, forgetting your house keys, or getting a bad grade on a test. Although these small things bothered me I did not sit on it. I faced it, accepted it, and If nothing proactive could be done. I took my attention elsewhere.

Becoming comfortable with these small but irritating daily occurrences, allowed me to grow a stable grounding. A foundation. When time came for me to face a bigger monster, he swung and he hit. But I didn't fall, I stayed strong. My foundation stayed strong. Every single little victory I had. Every "small" problem I faced helped me lace my shoes. I was prepared for that hit. Prepared to take it and keep moving. That's what I did.

As of today my screen time is 4-5 hours per day. My phone still physically binds me. It's no longer an escape. Your thoughts are loud, they come at unwanted times. Listen to them, understand them.

Note:

I had fun writing this story, I hope it was engaging to read! Thank you for lending me your time.

One love, Maximus.